I wish I could have take a picture of my cats tonight, each in their own “Caption” moment.

On another site, we’ve got these “Write a Caption” threads. Someone posts an animal picture and we each will make up a caption to go with it. Some are pretty good. Last week someone posted a picture of a real squirrel sprawled on a tree limb with a wooden squirrel sitting in front of him. My caption: I told you not to look back at Sodom!

So anyway tonight I’m sitting at my kitchen table getting ready to chow down on my chicken sammie with mayo and romaine lettuce on it, oh and a glass of milk sitting in front of me, when my little lettuce thief, Phoenix, jumps up on the table. I was ready for him and put a piece of romaine down for him. He sniffs the romaine and instead of grabbing it and jumping down as he usually does, he inches delicately toward my sandwich. I very gently move his head away. Here he comes again and, almost at the edge of my sammie, I push his head away and push the lettuce leaf back in front of him. He looks at the glass of milk next and I move it, then he looks at me and I get this “caption” moment. “So you get a chicken sandwich and glass of milk and I get a pathetic go*d*mned lettuce leaf?!”

Life is so unfair for a cat who likes to try Mama’s food.

Mercury, my intelligent snoop, has figured out how to open the drawer to the end table by my chair. I made the mistake of putting some Q-tips in a plastic container with a broken lid in that drawer a couple of days ago. He’s been after them ever since. So yesterday I see him playing polo with a Q-tip and I look and sure enough, he got the drawer open, the lid off and stole ONE Q-tip.

So that Q-tip got a little worn by today and he decided he needed a fresh one. I see him stretched up with his paws over the top of the drawer and his head disappeared into the inside of it. So I close the drawer. Pretty soon he has it open again. I make very sure it’s closed securely and he gets it open again. So I sit there with my finger on the edge of the drawer so he can’t get it open. He finally gives up. I did get in there myself finally and gave him a fresh Q-tip and he’s been happily playing polo with it ever since. I cannot turn my back on that cat. He likes waste baskets (if you don’t keep them emptied) and he opens the drawers in my bathroom. When I’m doing dishes, he opens the bottom drawer where I keep my dishtowels and climbs in there to sleep while I’m working away next to him.

I spend a lot of time closing drawers and picking up polo items.

Life is so unfair for a hooman with a really smart do-it-yourself cat.