Here.

You guy, I’m worried about WND, Joseph Farah’s No. 1 News Source for Copy-and-Pasted Chuck Norris Columns. First came the screaming headline EXECUTIVE-ORDER PANIC: MARTIAL LAW IN THE U.S.? and three long paragraphs explaining President Barack O’Stalin’s nefarious plans to ration your wimmen, helpfully summed up here:

A Canada Free Press article titled “Obama Executive Order: Peacetime Martial Law!” spread concerns of gasoline ration cards; while an Examiner article declared the order would “nationalize everything” and “allow for a civilian draft.” Facebook, email and Twitter were suddenly abuzz, and even the extremely popular Drudge Report posted a link to the White House release under the title “Martial Law? Obama Issues Executive Order.”

So far so good, WND! But then WND followed, in the fourth paragraph, with this:

But are the cries of martial law and expanding executive power justified?

No, says William A. Jacobson, associate clinical professor at Cornell Law School.

The fuck you say? WND goes on to explain the executive order is nearly identical to Clinton’s, and Bush’s, and Eisenhower’s.

Obama’s executive order specifically assigns “executive departments and agencies responsible for plans and programs related to national defense” to do five things:

* “identify” requirements for emergencies;
* “assess” the capability of the country’s industrial and technological base;
* “be prepared” to ensure the availability of critical resources in time of national threat;
* “improve the efficiency” of the industrial base to support national defense;
* “foster cooperation” between commercial and defense sectors.

So you could see why Examiner.com (?), teaparty.org, and, oh, DRUDGE, would be hiding under their mommies right about now, as your Wonkette has never seen a preparedness list so very nefarious.