In retrospect, I was very naive and idealistic growing up. My life lessons have come down on me hard.

When all else fails, lower your expectations.

Jody this very much reminds me of a short conversation I had with my high school football coach.

It was only a junior varsity game, so losing it wasn’t the end of the world. Hell, it wasn’t even a total blowout but coach Kayes rode us hard, both during and after the game.

Of course as teammates we always enthusiastically supported each other during games as well as during practices. Football isn’t a pleasant walk through the wildflowers. In fact it’s damn hard, physically mentally and emotionally. If there weren’t the rewards that the game brings to it’s players, no one in their right mind would subject themselves to it.

But there were no rewards that day. What we experienced was dejection. We were making mistakes. It’s different when you lose to a better team but beating ourselves with mental mistakes is hard to take and the coach only focused on the mistakes.

I had words with him as we walked off the field.

“Hey Coach, we lost but there were a lot of good plays made. You never said anything?” He looked at me with a dumbfounded expression and said, “You were doing what you were supposed to do”. He repeated it once more. I can’t remember what he added after but it was close to “What do you expect”.

Funny, that’s the only game I can remember him treating us that way. If it were that way all the time, the rewards wouldn’t be worth the price.

I resemble your observations.

That simply looks like painting over rust and rot, refusing to acknowledge I was a victim of those I most wanted to trust and I haven’t processed it yet.

Bottom line – whatever gets you through the night. Denial is practiced so much because it works, at least on the surface.

I know *it* is about personal best. That was my valuable lesson. It really cost a lot though.

… a shit.

There’s a line from a poem by William Blake that says:

“…love without the help of anyone on earth.”

I know, it is hard, to not recieve acknowledgemnt of the love you give. But that is not why you give it, is it? You give it because it is your nature, your own personal code of ethics.

Living your code is its own reward.

(As long as you do it without surrender.(i.e.: Don’t be a doormat.))

How does one convey that drive, that stamina, the defeat...the pick yourself up again, to the young ones? We can't. We don't. They all have to learn it the way that will make a lasting impression. The hard way. However that translates.

And not only that, it was years and years ago. It’s irrelevant to todays living. If the $5 is that important, if it will help you let go of that issue, I’ll see that you get the $5.

The only way we can rid ourselves of that which is unproductive and uncomfortable is to recognize that it does exist. Denial perpetuates that which is denied.

Let me know about the $5. That would be a cheap way to clear away that garbage from the past if it would work. I suspect it wouldn’t.

What pissed me off was was good is it to do your best? Who really gives a shit? If it SWOOSHES over your own mother’s head….and the Dad never noticed. Taught me a valuable life lesson.

Once the younger sister asked their mother why she would always give the crooked brother money whenever he asked, and she would rarely get anything.

The mother, my aunt, told her that it was because she knew her brother would just steal whatever it was about if she didn’t give him the money.

Sad.