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Home » Off-Topic

Troubling experience with a defective book August 28, 2013 11:46 am Robert

A friend recently purchased a book as a gift for me through Amazon, and I have to report that the thing is defective.

First of all, when I tap the right edge of the page, it doesn’t turn. To make matters worse, when I used the emergency manual page advancement feature, I got–you’ll never believe this–a PAPER CUT! These guys are risking a serious product liability lawsuit!

Second, there’s a serious legibility problem under low levels of illumination. When I take this book into a dark room, I can’t make out the writing! How can anyone read a book that refuses to illuminate itself? And speaking of legibility, I can’t figure out how to adjust the font size, line spacing, and margins; I’m forced to adjust my vision to the book, instead of the other way round!

Finally, and I know this is a bit arcane and nerdish, but the TARDIS feature is broken too. I noticed this when I set the book down next to my tablet with its various ebook readers, and saw that the book is much thicker–apparently its size scales to reflect the volume of its content, an observation confirmed when I dug some other books out of the closet and laid them out next to the tablet and the new book. It was uncanny to see how thickness corresponded exactly to page count, making due allowance for the varying composition and quality of the storage substrate, the “paper” pages. While the tablet, with its intact TARDIS transdimensionality field, maintains its svelte profile no matter how many hundreds of virtual books it contains.

I know something is wrong here, yet there’s something hauntingly familiar about this particular suite of problems. Has anybody else encountered this kind of problem with books lately?

  • It popped into my mind... by FrankC 2013-08-30 08:32:43
    • Cuneiform on clay tablets and papyrus scrolls lasted for thousands of years. by ER 2013-08-29 11:19:51
      • Book...to haul ass. by Jody 2013-08-28 17:52:06
        • I have accumulated several tablet readers.. by FrankC 2013-08-28 16:23:38
          • What the publishers aren't telling you... by podrock 2013-08-28 14:36:57
            • "The Journal of Improbable Research" deserves a bit of attention. by bowser 2013-08-28 15:27:21
              • It's pier reviewed ! by podrock 2013-08-28 22:58:45
                • I'm going to dock you some points for that. by ER 2013-08-31 12:07:43
                  • I just had to slip it in. by podrock 2013-08-31 12:46:53
                    • You must be one of them berthers. by ER 2013-08-31 17:57:20
                      • Breach birth. Peer got sideways with the Doc. Almost had to jetty-son it. by bowser 2013-08-31 20:35:08
                        • I harbor no such feelings. by podrock 2013-08-31 19:53:36
                          • AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH. by ER 2013-08-31 21:34:19
                            • AWWWWWWWWWW by podrock 2013-08-31 22:10:04
                              • Moor often than knot, I can spring to the occasion. by ER 2013-09-01 07:42:24
                    • Doesn't get any better! by bowser 2013-08-29 19:19:35
                    • I once wrote an article for the "Journal of Irreproducible Results". by ER 2013-08-28 20:36:45
                      • Clever linguistics work. That's not an obvious conclusion. by bowser 2013-08-28 21:17:36
                        • Found it! by ER 2013-08-28 21:33:45
                          • Quite obvious when it's pointed out. by bowser 2013-08-29 19:18:39
                            • Ecce homo. by ER 2013-08-30 05:50:50
                            • Printed it ! by podrock 2013-08-28 23:06:07
                              • When Tampa was having one of its periodic debates... by ER 2013-08-29 11:33:15
                    • I had one last week. by alcaray 2013-08-28 13:05:31

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