Another thing, housing was scarce and expensive in those days. Young men on the way up often lived in boarding houses when they moved to the city, so sharing a bed was an economic necessity, and probably quite common. Access to women (except for prostitutes) was fiercely restricted, by class and economics, even for those who just sought mere conversation and polite social contact.

Sexual contact between men, either by mutual consent or forced, is not necessarily evidence of homosexuality either. The gun decks of Nelson’s ships of the line were notorious for their widespread buggery, as are contemporary American prisons.

We do know one thing, rape of black women by white men was widespread in the South, and no doubt there was consensual intercourse, recreational as well as commercial. We know Victorian London was notorious for its child brothels. The nineteenth century was a hypocritical age. Underneath all that gentility and politesse lay real violence and immense cruelty.

John Wesley Hardin shot a total stranger for snoring in a hotel room where he was sharing a bed with the guy.

Things were different back then

Too many women try to change men.

I’ve been kissed on the cheek and kissed other men on the cheek when so completely delighted to see them I didn’t even think about it.’

I’ve cried around men, and women, when no one else was, and I’ve not cried when everyone else was.

I’ve never had a homosexual experience, and don’t know if I physically could. I believe most men have had at least one, at least those with whom I’ve talked about it. And I’ve seen gay men who were as “manly” as anyone and who I was comfortable hugging and kissing, without any sexual connotation.

I’ve had female bosses who tended to be better than men, as they had to be better to get there. All of my physicians are women except one, they are very good.

I regard myself as “manly” as most feminine activities don’t interest me. I tolerate rather than like small children who are not close relatives, I don’t like shopping, decorating, that sort of thing.

But frankly, I regard myself as basically human, with some weakly sex-linked interests which utilized my strengths, such has building, fighting, drinking, sports, hiking and climbing. More and more women are becoming interested in those, too, but they, in my experience, seem to retain an interest in children, where they live, the furnishings and so on. A nest, in my mind, is a base of operations, not something to build and decorate.

I think that came from my later childhood where there were long periods of time where a bed was my home and I was comfortable with that. That bed was always in comfortable surroundings, though, and deprivation was not a part of that life.

These are general rules that I have occasionally broken. When I was road tripping with a friend 50 years ago, we once got stuck in an apartment with only one full sized bed. We were there for about a month and it seemed okay at the time. It felt like sleeping over when I was a kid.

I have also had leg skin contact with guys in a crowded hot tub. I was wasted at the time but I still got out pretty quick.

Hugging is fine as long as all parties have a shirt on. I am sure I have not held a man’s hand since my dad held my hand crossing the street. I would kiss my grandsons on the mouth but they wouldn’t be happy about that.

Holding hands and mouth kissing is out of bounds.

A lot of it is cultural, too. When my brother and I greet each other after a long absence we kiss on the lips, although we have learned never to do so in front of strangers.

American men, in particular, seem extremely awkward about physical proximity to other men (compared to other cultures), and they don’t even seem to be aware they are that way. Even in normal conversation, they appear very uncomfortable to approach each other any closer than about 18 inches. Try it it sometimes. Its amazing what lengths people will go to avoid having others violate their space. And they don’t even realize they are doing it.

Cultural rules about zones of avoidance are just that, taught and learned. And they change over time.

The football player’s congratulatory slap on the ass is only allowed because they are so sure everyone sees them as tough, macho guys, and no one would dare suggest, even in jest, that they were acting in an unmanly fashion..