“There. They can’t take that away from me!!”

One, there is often a history of suicide in the families.

Second, the suicidal individual has often had an identifiable parent figure who was extremely hard on him or her in their younger years. A typical example is Bing Crosby, who had 4 sons by his first wife. Crosby was a viscous bastard who abused his children without mercy. Two of his sons committed suicide.

That abuse as children, occurring as it does just when the child is forming his ideas as to self-worth and his place in the world leaves them with what I believe is an unfathomable hole in their psyche. That hole doesn’t exist in most people, and is not understandable. Kids raised like that can descend into a pit so black they cannot see a way out. It’s not related to their external circumstances at all, it’s an internal process governed by judgments of themselves which were often formed pre-verbally. They are not accessible through words, and are accepted as true in spite of all evidence to the contrary.

Their suffering cannot be imagined by “normal” people, nor should it be. It is due to circumstances, an inherited depression aggravated by their environment, which leads to a self-loathing which is often masked by seeking attention. “If I can only look good, I’ll be good.”

And no matter who you go to bed with, you wake up alone. They are sad, tragic people who have run out of ways to alleviate excruciating pain.

I will and have talked people out of it. One day I spent on the phone with a guy who had police surrounding his house. “Call off your dogs!”, he said at one point.

“Cal, they aren’t my dogs. They are yours. You can understand that they can’t go away until they are convinced you are OK. Put the gun on the kitchen table, take a chair on the far side of the room, and let two come in and sit down.”

That’s eventually what happened, they charged him, and off he went to the psych ward. He later called me, thanked me profusely, tried to give me a valuable present.

I think everyone deserves a chance and help. I would not be neutral if in a position to deal with someone. On the other hand, should they decide to do it when I’m not around, I believe it’s a tragic loss and I can’t judge them.

There are other reasons, too. There was the story in Vietnam, several of them, about two fellows who were about to be overrun. One of them was seriously wounded, the other one wouldn’t leave him as long as he was alive. The wounded fellow recognized that and shot himself in the head.

Coward? (I’ll admit that’s a special circumstance.)

Anyway, as ER says, if my life is to be my life then yours must be yours.