• Space/Science
  • GeekSpeak
  • Mysteries of
    the Multiverse
  • Science Fiction
  • The Comestible Zone
  • Off-Topic
  • Community
  • Flame
  • CurrentEvents

Recent posts

Shoot the messenger BuckGalaxy August 1, 2025 2:00 pm (CurrentEvents)

AI and the superconducting relativistic monkey collider RL July 26, 2025 10:14 pm (Off-Topic)

Trump's namecalling is no match for the Scots BuckGalaxy July 26, 2025 2:15 pm (Flame)

Retirement home Spirit cover -- yeah, we had better music. ER July 26, 2025 7:31 am (Off-Topic)

Maxwell's Silver Hammer ER July 26, 2025 6:58 am (CurrentEvents)

♫ I tell you to enjoy life I wish I could but it's too late ♫ BuckGalaxy July 22, 2025 1:32 pm (Off-Topic)

How Groupthink Protected Biden and Re-elected Trump, or put another way... BuckGalaxy July 19, 2025 2:32 pm (Flame)

Why Trump Can’t Shake Jeffrey Epstein BuckGalaxy July 18, 2025 8:07 pm (CurrentEvents)

Colbert cancelled. ER July 17, 2025 8:20 pm (CurrentEvents)

Home » Off-Topic

Nation’s Still-Undecided Voters: ‘Help, We Can’t Get Our Car Seatbelts Off’ November 6, 2016 3:55 pm RL

http://www.theonion.com/article/nations-still-undecided-voters-help-we-cant-get-ou-54600

WASHINGTON—Growing increasingly panicked while struggling with the safety devices, the nation’s still-undecided voters reportedly shouted for help Friday when they couldn’t get their seatbelts off. “Help me—it’s stuck,” said Westerville, OH resident Daniel Roark, who has yet to determine which presidential candidate he will be voting for after a year and a half of campaigning, primaries, conventions, attack ads, and three nationally televised debates, adding that the lap and shoulder restraint “is really, really tight” and “hurts [his] stomach.” “Ow, ow, ow. I can’t get this part out of the other thing. I’m pulling on it a lot, but it’s not working. It’s squishing me.” At press time, 30 percent of the undecided voters had cut off their oxygen supply after inadvertently tangling their seatbelt around their neck.

    Search

    The Control Panel

    • Log in
    • Register