My best friend was telling me a true story on the phone tonight. There is this man she knows who had a dog, some kind of hound, named Fritz Old Man. He used to talk to his dog in “dog talk” and the dog talked back. They were inseparable and regularly conversed, he saying, “rrrrrrr, wuf, rrrrrr, rrrrrr, woof, errr,” etc and the dog replying in kind. Until one day, they were conversing away in their usual dog talk and the hound (a female and recent mother), suddenly stood up, walked off and never had thing to do with him again.

I wonder what the hell he said that pissed her off so much? “Your mother was a bitch?”

And that’s a true story.