Greetings and welcome to another post of the Weekly News. Last week’s post, I asked for new names for my Instapundit-esque e-news, and got a very minimal amount of input. Therefore, considering the names suggested by Eri, and myself, I’m going to go with: The Goldilocks Gazette. The reason and reference should be obvious. Name change begins next week.

Also, it has come to my attention that having multiple people working on this thing would give more news than I could do myself without being less lazy. The reason people may not want to do this, as TB pointed out, is that if I put everyone on a schedule, it will seem like a “job”. I do not know what this “job” he speaks of is, but it sounds terrifying and I agree it’s an unacceptable thought. Therefore, I simply ask that you do either one of two things:

If you find a story during the week- just one story – that you find interesting, please save it for the Gazette. Once I post that week’s addition, please post your story link along with a summary/opinion of the story linked. I would prefer it to be structured the way I do my newsposts, but you’re free to do what you please - so long as you don’t get us in trouble.

If you’re too lazy or too busy to post a news story, then just post your opinions on one of the story’s listed, or a response to the opinion of the poster of the story (usually me) or one of the other responders.

With that out of the way, here’s your news:

 

 

Science and Technology

Lab yeast makes evolutionary step to multicellularity
In a few weeks, they made a single cell organism mutate enough to become a multicellular one. No amount of words can express the awesomeness of this. What does this say for early earth? If oceans formed just a few million years after Earth’s creation, and numerous building blocks of life could come into being just like that, then how early did life actually start on Earth? EPICNESS AWAITS.

 

Surgeons carry out first synthetic windpipe transplant
Amazing. It seems we can grow any body part we need nowadays (minus a brain). With more money and research, it could help a lot more people, people who really need this. Ten buck says we get replacement bodies grown and ready for us in 50 years time.

 

Yahoo criticised over email ‘snooping’ for advertising

….. So that’s why I got so much spam I had to change email providers. Not only were they refusing to filter the crap, they were giving my email and other data to encourage the sewage flow of spam.

Those fuckers. I lost a computer to them.

Space shuttle Atlantis in historic final lift-off

How poetic – As the space program dies in fiery throes of budget cuts and lack of innovation, with rocket technology degrading back to a more primitive stage that will undoubtedly last for years to come, the aptly-named “Atlantis” sends the human race off to the stars and to a Dark Age of rocketry, with nary an eye watching.  Few people around here even KNOW about this launch, or the Ares program that nearly destroyed everything (and may very well come back to do so).  And to pay off the space program’s creations and launches, they are now hocking off their stuff to anyone who can pay.  *puts on Indiana Jones fedora*  IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!!!

 

World News

United States

Secret agents raid Apple store webcam ‘artist’

Okay, I know the title of the president’s guard is misleading, but now it seems they’re crossing the line between “Bodyguard” and “Cheka”. Don’t get me wrong, what the guy did was wrong; but I don’t see how the Secret Service is involved. Is counterfeit coinage involved somehow?

Army’s faulty computer hurt operations

……… We sink over $2700000000 dollars of taxpayers money into a state of the art computer system that functions just as badly as the national air traffic control network, and all we get is a flimsy excuse?

*next part redacted due to excessive rage and violence*

Seriously, between this, and the toilet seats and the credit cards, and the WARS they’ve botched for the past decade, if they don’t clean up their act RIGHT now, I know EXACTLY where Obama should make his $4000000000000 in budget cuts.

Casey Anthony Juror: ‘Sick to stomach’ over verdict

I’m sure you’re all as disappointed about the outcome of the trial as I am, but I really have to respect the people of the jury on this. They acted on facts and logic, not on emotion, and were none-partial to both parties. The prosecution, on the other hand, is a different story. They fucked up the case, and now they’re paying the price.

 

Ending minimum wage wouldn’t dent jobless rate

Bingo.  What on Earth or in the stars was going through Bachmann’s head when she said that!?  People already don’t pay many workers minimal wage, but now you want them to get a legitimate excuse for that.  When I look forward to my first job, I’m not looking forward to 99 cents an hour.  I want my minimum wage of $6.50 when I get to my first burger joint, and this is a right every American should have!

 

Arizona sheriff office pays out over migrant raid

Finally… more karma payback.  First the banks,  and now this – I actually have some hope for the US now.

 

Texas executes Mexican after US court rejects appeal

It looks like fate doesn’t want me to be too happy, so they took the rug out from under my support for Obama – AGAIN.  This guy rapes and kills a 16 year old girl, and despite the rulings of Texan officials and the US Supreme Court. you want to let him go?  You’d be willing to bend US law over “international obligations” to a RAPIST!?

I know his heart was (somewhat) in the right place when he wanted to solve the mess over Vienna Convention laws, but still – you couldn’t have picked a worst time, place, and person to bring it up with.  My only objection to Texas (besides the restriction of consular relations) is that they didn’t keep him alive so he could rot for eternity.

US ‘within reach of strategic defeat of al-Qaida
……Riiiiiight. And I’m a political optimist. Seriously, how long have they been telling us this?

 

United Kingdom

 

Pair fostered in ‘northern fear’

…….

*Goes on 2-hour rage – insert expletives of your choice here*

What made the social worker think that taking the kids after they lost their parents and putting them through the child services system for 9 goddamn months was justifiable just because they “speak a little different!?!?!?  Somebody better bitch-slap that social worker right now before I decide to move to England just to do it myself! (Eri can give me directions)

 

South Sudan

 

World leaders welcome new nation

I send my happiness too with the other countries as South Sudan becomes a recognised, independent, country.  Now, let’s see how long they can hold up against Sudan proper, seeing as they’ve been giving them extra nonstop grief ever since the new nation’s independence date was announced.

I can’t help but feel a little suspicious though (yes, ever the paranoid nut, me).  There are many other nations around the world that are independent entities, yet are not recognised by the US or other nations.  Take Somaliland, for example.  Granted, that regions unstable as hell, but so is Sudan.  And yet, despite the fact that it’s become so balkanised there basically is no government, Somaliland is one of the biggest nations in the region and has survived somewhat since 1991.  And guess what!?  NO RECOGNITION.  BY ANYONE.  They get aid, they get diplomacy, they have an army and culture, and NO RECOGNITION.  What’s it take for the US and other countries to recognise it, a (even bigger) international incident!?  Then there’s South Ossetia, which I’m sure you’ve all heard about.  After an independence war lasting two decades, it takes one, final, incident to persuade five countries to recognise the country.  Abkhazia’s in the same boat.  And there’s Kosovo, Transnistra, The Nagorno-Karabakh Republic, The Sawhari Arab Democratic Republic, Palestine, and god knows how many others.  I’m curious – did the US genuinely support the creation of the South Sudan nation, or did they do it to A) undermine Sudan proper; or B) because people pressured them to?

 

Somalia

Somalis gather in internal camps to escape drought

Speaking of Somalia, looks like the place is becoming even more of a living hell than it already is.  I can’t help but feel powerless here.  If I donate food or money, it’ll most likely get raided or “redirected” to someone who doesn’t need it, and if I found the time to join a aid organisation to do work over there, I wouldn’t be able to do anything.  The only thing I can do is nag at aid organisations and the UN to take better care of their shipments.  And work on ways to get water through drought areas, but that’s a college thing.

 

Pakistan
Karachi: ‘Shoot on sight’ orders as violence soars

It looks like the whole Middle East is going up in the flames of protest.  I wonder how long before the wave hits Europe and the Americas?  Furthermore, will they respond to it like these madmen, or will they settle it peacefully.

 

India

 

Girl, 12, kills herself to donate organs to family

Okay, seriously, what kind of crapsack world do we live in that compels a 12 year old feels they need to commit suicide!?  The worst punchline is that she was cremated before her family found the suicide note detailing that her kidneys should go to her brother.  An even worse one is the fact that the pesticides she swallowed would have made the organs useless for transplant anyway.

 

Malaysia

 

Police fire tear gas at banned rally

Same old, same old.  Nothing new here (sadly).

 

Japan

 

Japan finds rare earths in the Pacific Seabed

Oh no.

First they find the lithium in Afghanistan (the only time I can say “thank god for war” – all the fights are keeping the digging equipment away), and now this.  No conflicts to stop anyone from mining, and no government with environmental morals to stop the companies from doing so.  The ONLY thing between them and environmental devastation for profit is 3-4 kilometers of water.  Anyone remember the magnanese nodules?  You should!  These thing are important!

 

Media

Harry Potter premiere: Stars and fans bid tearful goodbye

I loved this series, and I’m sure I’m not alone here on the Zone.  I grew up reading the books, looking forward to no. 5 (as we all were during those years), and when the book series ended, the movies were all we had left.  so we went to see the movies, and we loved them (even the crappy ones).  I look forward to the next books that J.K. Rowling makes (if any), and bid good luck to the actors of the films – they’re going to have one hell of an impressive resume.

 

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll end this week’s Weekly News before the Potter Withdrawal symptoms show.  So long, muggles.