Spoiler alert… They Didn’t call

But according to Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesman Geng Shuang, the phone calls did not in fact take place. “Regarding the phone call in the weekend, I am not aware of that,” he said at a news briefing on Monday afternoon, adding, “I can tell you clearly that I haven’t heard of such a thing.” When pressed on his side of the story, Trump refused to give any further details, which is totally what someone telling the truth would do. “I don’t want to talk about calls,” he said of the calls he’d cited as evidence of positive trade news just hours earlier. “We have had calls at the highest level, but I don’t want to talk about that. The vice chairman put out a statement last night that was a statement and saying that he wants to make a deal and he wants calm.”

Everyone understands at this point that there is no way this all doesn’t end badly, RIGHT?